TECHNICOLOUR

If I were to die tonight you would be the happiest on earth

I am fucking sick and tired of you accusing me all the fucking time. You think I don’t have feelings? You think you can just hurl vulgarities at me w/o me feeling a thing? You think that, as a dad, you can just tell me that you are sick of seeing my face and I won’t mind? Fuck you have no fucking idea how my heart broke. You only think about yourself every single fucking day. You think that as a mom you can lie to me all the time? Ive been lied to you do many times in the face and you still fucking thinks its not your fault. Every fucking day you nag at me and compares me with my brother YOU THINK I DON’T FEEL A THING? I am fucking misunderstood all I do is go to school study and go the fuck home and I still get scolded because of that. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! Maybe I am not good enough for you…maybe you deserve a goody know-it-all all-rounder religious daughter. Sorry I don’t live up to your expectations. I just hope that I die so that you can be happy. I am never happy here. You just hate your own blood so much.

You think all the boys who you think have a crush on you is gonna help you for Alevels?

Do you want to climb the social ladder and enjoy temporary glory or do you wanna succeed in academics and enjoy perpetual glory?

Seriously just go fuck yourself.

Whoah so much on my mind, where do I begin. It’s 1:35am now and I am lying on my bed typing this before I forget everything by the next morning.

Do not neglect chemistry. Recap before going to tuition or I won’t understand a thing. Do not start from ground zero for organic chem. Do that chem energetics ws which is long due.

Same goes for physics.

Read up on inflation. Do unemployment mindmap. Read and understand or don’t go for consultation.

Always do tutorials!!! Can’t stress on this enough but you lazy motherfucker always put everything to the last minute and end up copying homework and being lost in class.

Pray to Allah whenever in doubt.

Read up articles from GP SOS.

Cs and Ds for midyears if you fucking wanna go to university. I CAN DO THIS. InsyaAllah.

Yep that’s for you J what you did was without a doubt disappointing. Marvelous. If you are gna treat me the same way as you treat them then I rather us not be friends anymore. No joke.

selfish motherfuckers I don’t even want to love or care for your feelings anymore. how the fuck can you even mock my genuine concern. so full of angst. whoever said that a hungry man is an angry man deserves a huge round of applause.

This is mental torture I am so fucking hungry and fucking rushing to study for my exams tmr and you can’t even fucking make for me food? seriously? I might sound petty but where the fuck are your fucking brains.

fiilthyfingers:

dead.

first picture.

i’ve always told myself that if i blog about something, it means i am affected by it.

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never knew this could ever happen to me. it wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. it was a simple harmless fall. how could this happen to me..

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they came back. i was secretly wishing for something bad to happen so that i could understand why this happen to me.

nothing but peace, joy and laughter happened.

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if you love me enough, you wouldn’t talk about it to me. you wouldn’t tell me about the trip which i could have gone to. a trip which i very much wanted to go to.

if you love me enough, you would have cared more. you would have probably bought me something to make me feel better. (given the situation, i am not asking for too much)

if you love me enough, i wouldn’t have any difficulties telling you that i might be going for an op next week.

if you love me enough, you would know that i very much wanted to enjoy the beautiful snow that i have been fantasizing for a very long time.

i don’t even  have the strength to click through the whole album because i know i could have been the one over there.. enjoying it with you.

depressing.

devastating.

why me.

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i can never see winter the same way again.

it’s like i am emotionally scarred.

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i am losing so much. so so much. friends, outings.. things that will make me feel better, things that make me feel somewhat whole again inside.

on the other hand, i guess these things are also necessary to be deemed socially acceptable.

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must i honestly go to that extent? must i? to be deemed socially acceptable?

idk i cant find myself.

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if i am sane enough, i wouldn’t think about you everday.

#unhealthy

HAHAA